Irony Wins at the Waste Management Phoenix Open After it's Photo Finish at the Saudi International
Irony From the Red Sea to the Desert
Here’s a question for you all. What do Harold Varner III, Bryson DeChambeau, and Charley Hoffman have in common? Money? Clout? A shared disgust for PXG’s marketing? Not that much in common right? Perhaps. But, this past week these three competitors provided enough irony to stretch from the Red Sea to Phoenix! And similar to Phil, I must be greedy and take this opportunity to expand upon this communal connection!
HV3 Wins Saudi International!
First off, HV3 provided Saudi International with the most heart-felt victory celebration possible, for a tournament hosted by monstrous men. After draining a 92-foot eagle putt to seal the win over Bubba Watson, Varner jumped for joy! Ironically, he landed in the hands of the Saudis as his emotional win will overshadow the disgusting truth of Saudi Arabia. I cannot blame Varner III for securing the bag! If only the bag weren’t full of blood money. Impressively, HV3 lept from #99 to #45 in the Official World Golf Ranking and we will likely see him in Augusta come April. However, I am baffled at the storybook ending of this immoral fairytale presented by selfish villains.
Bryson's Bounce Back after Saudi International
Next up, Bryson DeChambeau ironically asked golf fans to “chill out” after withdrawing from Saudi International. Coming from the guy who "nukes it for a living!" Before the start of the second round, Bryson WD’d due to the left wrist and hip injuries. While he claims the injuries took place due to a slip he endured, we all know he’s lying. Bryson foreshadowed those two injuries during the Farmers Insurance Open. Though in order to maintain his manhood, DeChambeau ensured everyone that he would come back stronger than ever. Bryson using the word “back,” stands alone as my favorite part of this ironic sequence. Will his frame sustain a healthy back in 10 years if he continues on this quest for more speed? To quote Tiger, “the answers are in the police report.”
Hoffman's Waste Management Dumpster Fire
Last but not least, Charley Hoffman ironically entered the chat through an outburst on Instagram. After Hoffman splashed his drive on the 13th hole in the second round, his penalty drop rolled into the water leading to another penalty stroke. What followed? A dumpster fire sparked by Waste Management's marquee Tour player. Hoffman blatantly called out the PGA Tour and Jay Monahan for neglecting its players. (See Brandel's Response) Claiming a lack of protection for the members of the tour, Hoffman hinted at the opportunity to join the Saudi league. Specifically, he ranted for "transparency, protection, and consistency." Do these three pillars sound like part of the business plan from a country with degrading human rights practices? Hell no. Also, Hoffman finished dead f****** last in Phoenix.
The Crown Weighs Heavy Upon The Head
To answer the question I began with, I do not believe these three men hold too much in common. For now, HV3 will be remembered for tiptoeing in his jordans after the big win in Saudi. More than likely, Bryson will continue posting about protein shakes and deadlift weights on YouTube. Leaving Charley Hoffman, who could retire and I would never notice. Oh well. Onto Riv and one of the best tournaments of the year. Cheers!
As a freelance writer, Taylor McCutcheon will focus on golf adjacent, cultural content in the world of golf. Welcome Taylor to the team and help spread the word by sharing his content.
***Taylor's opinions and commentary are his own and do not necessarily represent the Tour Junkies as a whole.